Momentary Clarity

February 8, 2011

I just saw a visual in a movie and it made me realize something…

I want to live in a city, I want to be surrounded by mountains of metal, cement, and glass. I want to see the reflections of light bounced from one building to the next. Finding a spot in between where there is an eerie silence that results in productive creativity. I want to see the reflection of clouds on surfaces not meant to be there. I want to be able to sit, letting time pass me by as hundreds of people do as well, taking in the scene of everyday life and wondering at the simple complexity of it. I want to see the result of inspiration, and the chasing of dreams.

I want to live somewhere full of cultural possibilities, diversity of a grander scale than small town allows. I want to wander through a museum trying to decipher meaning in creations, teaching myself to interpret that which was simply paint and paper. I want to be amongst audiences listening to the words of writers, musicians, and politicians. I want to be inspired, I want to live, I want to have means of escape while being able to retreat as necessary.

I dream to be, and that is all.

Ahh Mini Celebrations…

February 2, 2011

Went out for Mexican food with the folks today for an early birthday celebration for mom.  Originally we were going to go to True Grit afterwards but seeing as how the heating is shit in our theater we chose not to do that as it is fricking cold out.

A Mexican family has a resteraunt in a town south of here and opened up a sister restaurant here in town a few weeks ago.  They are packed every night and the food is delicious and reasonably priced, so I am hoping they continue on in the right direction because it’s nice to have these options.

Didn’t quite eat until I was miserable, but I came close, but that’s so worth it. 😀

Life is good.

Identity

January 19, 2011

Sometimes I wonder what makes up my identity, is it the stuff I have, the clothes I wear, the thing I read…

As I get older and I learn more about myself, I learn more about my identity, and I think that the things around me don’t form my identity so much as my identity attracts the things around me.

All to often in my life I tried to fit in a niche, a group, something, but after a while I finally decided to be me and see where I fit in, and I think that might have been the best decision of all.

I have some of the best friends a guy could want, I have good relationships with my family, and I like who I am.

That is my identity.

The Pictures In My Mind

January 14, 2011

The pictures in my mind are getting brighter and more detailed and I like it.  I can see the scenes I think of in vivid detail, almost smell the surroundings as I walk about within them.  I honestly have to write these down lest they become a waste of my imagination, lest my imagination get pissed at me and stop doing such a good job.

I can see the future that I shall have if I put this to use, now to get past the stumbling blocks I set up for myself, to re-train myself in usefullness.

I do love getting lost in my imagination, it is unbelievably rewarding to walk around in there, I really should do it more often.

What is a life?

January 4, 2011

Is it a life if you let things roll on as you progress year by year?

Is it a life if you interact, but don’t go out of your way to do so?

Is it a life if you don’t go after your dreams, your desires, the woman you want rather than the woman you know you can get?

These are some of the questions that roll around in my head, maybe more now than before as I near another birthday, but not overwhelmingly so.  I don’t think of these questions to the point that it holds me back, but I seem to wonder if I am doing enough to honestly tell myself that I am living my life.

That’s why I didn’t do a resolution this new years, because it is to hard to keep one going, but I thought I would go ahead and just re-dedicate myself to me, think of things and put them into fruition, and write dammit.

I need to get the words out that are in the back of my head pushing forward, I can feel there is something there that is urging me on and wanting me to create, so create I shall.

Is it a life if I say it, no, it’s a life if I do it.