I find myself in a time of life where the noise of things trying to tell me something are starting to reach some sort of cacophonic level, and yet I continue to push the snooze button on these alarms.
Life calls to me to wake up to the vision I see, but still I drag my ass and won’t see the alarms for what they are. In reality I know that I wake up very slowly, but transferring this to the things that will improve aspects of my life really isn’t something I should allow myself to do.
And yet…
The things hanging over my head are the cliche things like getting more active so I lose the weight that I should not be carrying around, not that I cannot like myself in my current state, but I know the science of what I am bringing upon myself, and that’s gotta change. I think my knees would appreciate it.
I need to think more. This one may be more of a feeling, but I know that I am not exactly using my brain as much as I could be. I think this should come about through reading, finding more responsive conversations, and hell, writing more, such as this.
Those are the first two that come to me, and I know from them I can find more, I can gravitate out from them, and I can have this wild little action response situation that just might be for the greater good. The Greater Good.
All these things that can be done to “better” oneself, yet they aren’t “easy” so then they don’t get done, and then another day goes by where you reflect back to what you “should” be doing, and then you just distract yourself with something… Yeah that’s my current cycle.
I know it isn’t an original cycle, I know it happens to many people out there, and yet knowing you aren’t alone doesn’t really help in a situation like this. Of course a lot of this could be my mentality and how I spin things in my mind, making them much much worse than they actually are.
I suppose I am embarrassed and that is why today when I geared myself up to go down the hall and spend a little time on the treadmill, I tucked tail and turned around when I saw two people in there already. I am not proud of my reaction and I know that they wouldn’t have given a shit that I was there trying to get some steps in and whatnot, but yet here I am, typing instead of what could have been.
I can see the muscle under the rest of the mass, I know some work and adaptations would get that to the surface and that would be optimal, but again, I just get in my own way. I have started to make adaptations in the shopping list when I go to the store so that I am not buying things I tell myself I will dole out reasonably, because I am not a reasonable man.
I’m steps closer, but yet still far away.
I suppose that’s why I type this.
I suppose that’s why I think of the saying “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”.
I remind myself that steps have to be taken, and that taking them is how it is done.
I have a dream of the optimal life, schedule wise, but that isn’t happening any time soon, so I have to get over that.
Sacrifice, choice, adaptation, just fucking do it.
Don’t feel sorry for yourself, pick yourself up.
Don’t make excuses, think through it.
These are all things for me to reflect upon again and again.
Time to slap my hand out of the way when reaching for that snooze button.
So Says Sadorf 